I like my sex mixed with concussions.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
