I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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