Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize