dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
