3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
