dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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