I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
