I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
