you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
