No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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