I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
