Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
