guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
