So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
