the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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