you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize