the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
