He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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