then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
