fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
