Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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