I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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