The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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