Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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