like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
