we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
