I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
