When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
