I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
