why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
