It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
