Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am puke
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
