The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize