Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize