So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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