i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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