u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
