Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dick very happy bro
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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