Is it normal to miss your booty call?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
