I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
