Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
