Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just cropdusted the office
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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