singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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