i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We're too hungover to prance.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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