someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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