This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
