So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
