I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
