come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
only if we run a train.
done.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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