my mouth tastes like poor choices
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
