I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
should my penis look like a turkey
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
