I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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