Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
