You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
