Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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