ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
