I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
