just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
