I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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