i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
