I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
