evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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