just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
