Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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