I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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