my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
