Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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