I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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