I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
