Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
