Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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