I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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