So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
